The following is a confusing and very raw discussion about one of the most foundational aspects of my everyday life. In parallel, I will comment on the last 12 months, since they have been the clearest example of the importance of having a Mission. Despite being 100% sure that I am not a person able to give advice, you might pick up something in the end.

Why such a corny title?

Being a huge hater of wrongfully formulated titles, I need to explain this in two or three sentences. For me, having a Mission means waking up with a purpose. Such purpose is purposely not specified. It might be a career objective, a self-care target, a desire to provide for someone else (e.g. family). Even a mix of these things is fine. Empirically, it just so happens that I can only focus on one, but maybe that is only my impression, or self-infliction of a famous Italian belief that only women can do more than one thing at a time. Despite seeming itself corny as an explanation, if you actually think about it, you are only able to do something when it falls inside some big picture of yours where everything works out in the end.

Why would someone study, work, have a shower, cook, do anything at all if there is not some immediate and expected-long-term enjoyment?

It is also more or less true for myself that such Mission works best when designed to benefit someone else. While I do not expect this to hold in general, I will elaborate further in the paragraphs below.

Isn’t it just the way it is?

Well, yes and no. From the height of my 23 years of life (yes, I am consciously being ironic), I came to understand that focusing is something I need to impose to myself, rather than just independently going on. I have spent many years trying to follow my default desires, without structure, just to find out that planning is far more effective and helps you get what you want. Last year has been the uttermost achievement in this sense. I have found tranquility and happiness in pursuing a long-term dream that brought me to plenty short-term wonderful experiences.

March 2022 - March 2023

At the beginning of this period, I simply chose to follow an idea that seemed reasonable and fun enough. Despite not being my final desire for the future, which I guess for everyone is just to be happy and fulfilled, it is certainly what brings me the closest to it. After years of study, I decided to start the process of willingly attempting to pursue an academic career. This is not at all a finished task, and it might be never fulfilled, but it has been pivotal in these 365 days. There are two main reasons. First of all, it is something I enjoy, as much as very few other things in life. Secondly, it is an expression of willingness to do good for society. The side effects of this plan have been fantastic.

Gaslighted by it, I have thrived socially, as a person, and mentally, in contexts unrelated to performing scientific research. My belief is that it is due to the fact that I more or less found my way, and that the consciouness of it being useful for the community has in some sense let me be happier for myself.

The fil rouge

If you feel like your way was not found yet, what I observed in people that give the impression of being on a Mission (mine is just a copying mechanism), is that all of them are eventually based on love. Be it self-oriented, for the everyone else, for a specific community, in the end it is all the same. The common thread is focusing on doing something good. The gains come later, almost instantly, and are often never forgotten.

Now more than ever, I see many peers struggling in this. My opinion is that it is better to focus on a stupid mission rather than ignoring the issue in its entirety. The main reason is that without an objective, you have no identity, and without an identity, you will lose yourself. Oftentimes, it happens that this elightenment must come from someone else in your life. In my case, this is true more than ever. I started understanding how to be happy when I found out that I must look further than below my nose, since people around me are the easiest example of how life can go on, especially when yours is not at all going.

When are the results coming?

Aware that this is a topic impossible not to care about, my guess is instantly. Despite having set such a foggy and not at all straight objective, the path that I am following has lead to many side results, sometimes completely unrelated, that have kept me going, and will keep me going. I have enjoyed studying and getting good grades, but I also had the privilege of cultivating strong friendships along the way, finding an inner balance, and having probably the best fun of my life. Even though last year I wrote almost 1000 computer-typed and countless (approx. 4000) handwritten pages of mathematics, I somehow found more time to hang out, bond, have holidays, party, work, think. All of this is thanks to waking up with already half of the work done (i.e. knowing what to wish for). No agenda planning, no specific tasks, no pressure, just knocking at every door possibly linked to what I wanted to do.

Future

My guess is that I will go on, and just see what happens. There are expectations, but even if something will not work out, there is always love on the backline (again, not in the corny sense of the word), so I will be fine. A mission never dies, it just keeps on stimulating your self-development, and that is probably what makes it even better.